Hey there apostlemage. Do you want more investigations into the Cars Universe? Check out my tag. Also here’s that giant essay on Cars that I wrote copy and pasted because it’s been a while since some of my followers have seen it:
Cars is a film made by Disney/Pixar that was directed by John Lasseter. Lasseter is the current head of Disney Animation plus he’s one of the minds who was behind the quality and success of early Pixar. The Pixar Brain Trust so to speak. In doing that he directed movies such as Toy Story, A Bug’s Life, and Toy Story 2. At least two of those are viewed as two of the best animated films to ever have been made, Toy Story being an example of a film preserved for being culturally and historically significant. So let’s just say he’s a very talented director. So what’s the deal with Cars? Well he likes cars and he has a lot of say at Pixar, so what the hell, how about a Pixar movie about cars?
Now, we really do need to start with Toy Story. Part of the reason this movie worked was because it was about toys in our world and their place in it. A Bug’s Life had a similar sort of theme, about bugs in our world and their place in it, while also being a sort of Seven Samurai homage. Cars takes this theme and spits on it by being not our world, but a world where cars are the dominant species. There is nothing inherently wrong with this concept. Animation is great for sorts of fantasy worlds. The real problem arises with the fact that the Cars universe (CU) is really just our world, but they replaced humans with Cars. THAT RAISES TOO MANY QUESTIONS.
Again at this point I must pause and tell you of my experience with the CU. There have been two movies, Cars and Cars 2, in addition to a spin-off, Planes. Because I don’t hate myself, I’ve only seen Cars and parts of Cars 2. It is from these sources that I pull my observations about the CU. Let’s start with the first one.
The plot of the first one revolves around a racecar named Lighting McQueen who ends up stuck in a small town on his journey West to a big race in order to get a coveted sponsorship. And here we have our first question. It seems racing cars is a popular spectator sport in this universe. In order to fully comprehend the CU, we will need to repeatedly compare it to our universe. This means that what’s basically track in our world is a very popular sport in their world. Because Cars going fast in the CU is the same as people running fast. Which begs the question; Are there other track and field type sports in the Cars universe? Is there cars high jump? How the fuck would that work? Cars shotput? Cars discus? More importantly, are there other sports in the CU? What about cars football? What sort of ball would there be that a car quarterback could throw it? Now you may be saying to yourself; Those are silly questions. Cars have a different body shape, why would they make sports made for human bodies? To answer that question you have to realize that the Cars universe is LITERALLY our universe replaced with cars.
Need convincing? Consider the following. In the first movie Radiator Spring is a town off of Route 66. That is a famous road in our universe. Which just brings up another fucking load of questions. In the first movie, Lightning McQueen has to help fix a road right? There’s a machine that can fix roads right? Follow this logic for a bit. Does that mean that in a universe dominated by cars, there used to not be roads? Somebody had to invent roads? Are roads like sidewalks in our world? What does this say about tires in a world before roads? Were they always off-road tires? Are tires like shoes in this world? Can they change it for terrains? What if somebody can’t afford different tires for different situations? That’s like areas in our world where it’s not possible to walk. That’s classism yo. There’s probably a deeply ingrained class system. For example think about Mater. He’s a tow truck. Was he born as a tow truck? If so doesn’t that mean his job was chosen at birth? Could it be you have to be what you were born to be in this universe? That’s terrible. On the other hand, if he wasn’t born a tow truck, that means he had to have extensive body surgery to do his job. I don’t know what’s worse. Are cars even born in the CU? McQueen has a love interest and love implies sex and sex implies babymaking. How do Cars have sex? I bet there’s a tailpipe fetish.
If you haven’t realized I could go on forever. So let me move on to Cars 2 for a bit. In that movie it is revealed through travels around the world and in particular Europe (thus proving it’s just our universe with cars once again) that there is a popemobile. There is a cars pope. That means there is a cars Catholicism. Do you know what that means? THERE’S A CARS JESUS CHRIST! That means a cars Jesus was cars crucified. HOW THE FUCK DOES A CAR GET CRUCIFIED? This also brings up the question of other car religions. Is there a car Islam? Car Judaism? Car Hinduism? Is the Cars Vishnu known for having like 8 tires or something? Are there car religious wars? Was there a car crusade? Is there some sort of car holy grail or oil canister or whatever? With car religious wars, I bet there’s car racism and bigotry. I bet it’s based on make and model. Is there a car KKK? I bet some people are really upset that two cars of the same car gender can get married in some states.
I really have so much more to say but I don’t want everyone else to go insane. I didn’t even get into international crime and superspy Mater. So in conclusion…fuck Disney/Pixar’s Cars.